We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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