You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
