Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
