I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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