His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
