I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
