Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it glows. i had to have it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
