tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
