there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
