Slut skills are useful in every country.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
