You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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