Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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