So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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