maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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