im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
