Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
