I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
