Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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