someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
