Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
