I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I AM VODKA MAN
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
