so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
