Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We're too hungover to prance.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
