hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
