i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
