Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
