Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
