Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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