That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
