so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
