she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
