he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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