Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
