She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
