Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
