Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize