Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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