A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
