You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Vodka?
Forever.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
