I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
