I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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