so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
