At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
