my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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