evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize