What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
