i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
