is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
