Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
