i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
