when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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