well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
