I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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