quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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