YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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