I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
