I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
