We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
