A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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