She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
