Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
