i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
