I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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