this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
