porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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