You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize