i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
