I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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