thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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